Category — society

Life will never go easy on anyone… True as it is, I can still say life is beautiful. Why? Let me tell you a story that my father and I created as we we’re talking about life during my teen age years. My father may have a different version of it now, if he were to tell the story– but allow me to tell you my version. Here is how the story goes:

Once, there stood a magnificent and mighty tree in a midst of a thick forest. So vibrant and lush was this tree, that whoever saw it, adored it. Even the kings and the nobles admired it’s grandeur. It’s resident leaves however, appear to be dominated by another feeling–a feeling that consumed them daily–the fear of “the fall”. “We are clinging to the mightiest tree ever there was in the entire forest” said one leaf, “Let’s live our lives selfishly and indulge every moment of it, worrying about nothing but ourselves.”

As a result, it was a chaotic world.

While they were consoling themselves with such words, unknown to anyone, the tree budded a new leaf. Unobserved, the new leaf was the picture of innocence. Unsophisticated and unworldly, the new leafWhile they were consoling themselves with such words, unknown to everyone, the tree budded a new leaf. Unobserved, the new leaf was a picture of innocence. Unsophisticated and unworldly, he was a picture of naivete. At the heart of a crowded tree, a new life was born that day.

After a few days had passed the young leaf became conscious of his surroundings. One early morning he was awakened by a disturbing sound–a sound of a worm munching another leaf just beneath him. It was a horrible scene. “I had one of those things on me one time,” said a voice beside him. The new leaf glanced and saw a malformed leaf, so horrifying that he could not bare to look upon it, “Thank goodness a bird came and swallowed it,” the deformed leaf continued, “Keep an eye on those things, they’re beasts, they’ll show you no mercy.” Then the deformed leaf said nothing more. While he was left startled by the scene he had just witnessed, the young leaf noticed just slightly above him, a leaf with a different color, pale and brownish. It was a leaf completely drained of his youth.

Then without warning, a deafening CRACK filled the air–down came the brownish leaf, never to be seen again, detached from the mighty tree to a place no one knew of. The young leaf turned to the deformed leaf and asked, “What happened to that brown leaf?”

“That is the final destiny of everyone here. We call it “the fall” everyone here is afraid of “the fall.” answered the deformed leaf. Shocked and speechless, the young leaf didn’t know what hit him, he was baffled.

For days the young leaf spoke to no one. Then finally he said, “From now on I will mind no one and care for no one. Life is unfair and has no beauty. Bad things will happen anyway, no matter what. I will live my life selfishly and indulge every moment of it, worrying about nothing but myself.”– And that’s exactly what he did from that day forward.

Years passed, and then one particular day he noticed his color was turning. “No, not me!” he pleaded with no one in particular, as he remembered “the fall.” Suddenly he was stricken with great terror. Day after day right before his eyes, his color faded and he became filled with great fear. Day after day there was more anxiety, until eventually he heard it again, CRACK! and the dreaded day happened to him,”the fall,” down came the once young leaf.

Slowly the wind took him further and further, gradually he began to see the entire tree where he once had lived. Beautiful and splendid, the tree stood in all it’s glory. “Wow…” was the only word he could utter. A delayed admiration underlying a regretful ending.

“Why didn’t I enjoy my time here while I was a part of that beautiful tree? Why was I engrossed with fear of ‘the fall?’  Why was I so absorbed with worry that it choked the very life out of me?” asked the leaf.

…end of story.

It is undeniable, yes, that life is full of negative things, but how you handle them makes all the difference.

I had a rather unpleasant childhood myself, however, given the chance to relive my life, I would still choose to be born the way I was because those negative experiences led me to look at things rather differently–to better sympathize with people in pain and also compels me to help others rather than withdraw. For in the process of walking an extra mile, I am finding healing for myself…

Jaurlando Urot is a freelance writer who resides in the Philippines. Although he has gone through some health trials (and survived a difficult childhood), he keeps a positive outlook on life and reaches out to others in a positive way. His belief is to leave a legacy of hope and goodwill every day. Life is not just a gift, but an opportunity. Read more of Jaurlando’s writing on his “Life’s a Journey” blog.

In this article, therapist Rythea Kaufman shares how she uses Inner Bonding to facilitate healing from childhood sexual abuse. “When these clients begin the process of therapy, they are holding a lifetime of shame, self-hatred, and rage. Some have a clue as to where these feelings come from but many do not. The tools of Inner Bonding create a foundation for recovery that is clear and accessible to anyone.

I have worked with many clients who begin the therapy process saying “I can’t remember half my childhood” or “I think I may have been abused as a child but I don’t have specific memories.” I explain to them that the use of Inner Bonding will make healing less mysterious. It is not that in this model we go digging for old traumas or aim to relive unbearable events. Instead, Inner Bonding creates a gentle pathway to heal our Inner Child (or children), the ones inside of us who lived through our past and holds the emotions of our childhood stories.

The key aspect of Inner Bonding that makes uncovering trauma possible and bearable is the spiritual piece. When I work with people who feel ready to remember or unearth historical material, I support a strong connection to Guidance, Intuition, or Spiritual awareness. We then use that bond to create a foundation of internal and external safety. Guidance (in whatever form feels comfortable for each person) becomes the touchstone and map for healing. Through the dialogue process of Inner Bonding, clients develop a relationship to Spirit that allows the Inner Child to feel held and loved. If the Inner Child experiences that the Loving Adult self is available and supported by Spirit, he or she will begin to talk about the feelings and events that were once buried.

The process of uncovering abuse or trauma is different for each person. Some clients have been waiting all their lives for a safe space to let their stories out and it does not take long for difficult material to surface. Others require a base of learning and self-care, possibly needing to make some important life changes before remembering the past. With the help of a therapist and Guidance, clients are able to have access to whatever material is necessary for healing.

You may wonder why remembering past trauma or abuse is important or needed. It is my opinion that each one of us has a story, a life’s journey that is part of who we are and what we came here to learn. The things we do not heal still live with us in the present. False beliefs and physical defenses remain in our bodies and in our consciousness until we bring them up to be healed. I once had a client who was sure that the sexual abuse she suffered by her uncle as a child was not affecting her. When we actually talked through her present life, it became clear that she avoided intimacy with men in a rather obvious way, picking unavailable men or leaving the relationships before they got too serious. She also harbored body image issues that she rarely talked about but that were a secret source of shame. When she began to connect the abuse to her current life, she began to feel and love the part of her who had lived through such pain. She realized that it was her wounded Inner Child who had been choosing her boyfriends and feeling humiliated about her body. When she began to acknowledge what had happened to her, she could then make new choices as her life unfolded. If she had continued to invalidate and minimize her history, she would not have been able to heal it.

I also believe that if you work with Guidance, you will be led to feel and remember only what is needed for your growth. You will not be asked to suffer for the sake of suffering. Your Inner Child will tell you what happened so that you can discover the amazing resources you possessed that kept you alive. You will learn the choices you made in impossible situations and have the opportunity to love the parts of you who feel unlovable.

Many clients find that the part of them that got abused (an Inner Child) is actually stuck in time, frozen in the past, holding on for dear life. I assist the client to go back and get their little girl or boy and help that child to safety. Once the child is recovered, we can talk to that child and find out what he or she needs now. The child can be a source of important information. What did she believe about herself during the abuse? What did he decide about love when he got hurt? Clients find that the beliefs established during traumatic events become recordings that replay each day of their lives. Getting to the root of the belief makes it possible to heal it. With Spirit’s assistance, we find out the truth about that child’s goodness, wholeness, and innocence. We can hold that child and give him or her room to feel the emotions that were not safe to feel before.

In my private practice, I primarily work with survivors of childhood sexual abuse. When these clients begin the process of therapy, they are holding a lifetime of shame, self-hatred, and rage. Some have a clue as to where these feelings come from but many do not. The tools of Inner Bonding create a foundation for recovery that is clear and accessible to anyone. Clients who have gone from therapist to therapist find that Inner Bonding puts the power to heal into their own hands. The process of dialoguing with Guidance, the Inner Child, and developing a Loving Adult is profound for people who have been swimming in wounded childhood beliefs. I have seen people’s lives change as these tools are practiced. It has been a beautiful thing to witness. Clients who at one time could not be intimate with people become able to engage in fulfilling friendships and partnerships. Clients who could not speak up about things they believed in, learn to make boundaries and set limits in countless situations. I have supported clients to release old rage, grief, shame, and terror so that joy is finally available to them. Over and over again, I glimpse the lovely relief these individuals have as Guidance comes more consciously into their lives and graces them with unconditional, ever-present love. People literally look lighter as they let go of deep oppressive patterns and experience their Essence.

The challenge of healing childhood abuse is the overwhelming helplessness that surfaces as one remembers. The experience of life threatening betrayal can be very difficult to revisit. Often, the sense that God abandoned us is wrapped up in the memories. The model of Inner Bonding offers a way to separate our past from our present, our Inner Child from our Loving Adult, our false beliefs from the truth about who we really are, and God from the people who hurt us. These distinctions are priceless. These awarenesses facilitate healing in a way that is graceful and dynamic. No matter what someone has lived through, no matter how horrific or seemingly unhealable, those events are not who the person is and so they ache to be transformed. The very good news is that transformation is possible. Starting now.

Orienteering is the term used to describe a cross country race in which each participant uses a map and a compass to navigate to different reference points on a wilderness course. It is the ultimate test of map and compass reading skills. One wrong interpretation of your equipment or surroundings could result in miles of misguided steps. In fact, what may start out as a small error in judgment could eventually culminate into a huge expanse of separation between you and the right path.

If you veer off course by just one degree, each mile will get you 92 feet further away from the correct path. After five miles you will be 460 feet off course. And that’s just one degree off. The more degrees that you are off, the worse it gets. There is a price that every hiker pays for going wayward. Sometimes that price is wasted energy. Sometimes it’s two days without water. On some occasions it costs the ultimate price.

So how does this relate to society as a whole? I have my own reason. I like to call it the “slippery slope effect”.  Have you ever noticed how things seem so harmless at first but after a period of time, they end up terribly and regretfully wrong. Just as an example, let’s take a look at tv. Back in the days of I Love Lucy, married couples couldn’t be shown in bed together. At least one person had to have a foot touching the floor at all times. That soon became boring to everyone. And so it went–one, two, three degrees off course until I accidentally ran across an episode of Nip Tuck. One of the main characters was interviewing for a nanny (or maybe a housekeeper). His interview process included having her laying on the coffee table, legs in the air. Gee, I’m so glad I witnessed that. Most recently I flipped to a reality channel and accidentally watched a few moments of some sort of dating show called NEXT. It involved several young adults on a bus. They would come out one by one to experience a quick date with the bachelor or bachelorette waiting outside. Many times the person waiting outside the bus would take one look at the appearance of the person exiting the bus and say, “Next” right off the bat. Wow, way to instill an extra level of shallowness in the youth of today. As I continued to watch, a homosexual version of NEXT came on. Time to change the channel…

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