Category — movies

In this article, therapist Rythea Kaufman shares how she uses Inner Bonding to facilitate healing from childhood sexual abuse. “When these clients begin the process of therapy, they are holding a lifetime of shame, self-hatred, and rage. Some have a clue as to where these feelings come from but many do not. The tools of Inner Bonding create a foundation for recovery that is clear and accessible to anyone.

I have worked with many clients who begin the therapy process saying “I can’t remember half my childhood” or “I think I may have been abused as a child but I don’t have specific memories.” I explain to them that the use of Inner Bonding will make healing less mysterious. It is not that in this model we go digging for old traumas or aim to relive unbearable events. Instead, Inner Bonding creates a gentle pathway to heal our Inner Child (or children), the ones inside of us who lived through our past and holds the emotions of our childhood stories.

The key aspect of Inner Bonding that makes uncovering trauma possible and bearable is the spiritual piece. When I work with people who feel ready to remember or unearth historical material, I support a strong connection to Guidance, Intuition, or Spiritual awareness. We then use that bond to create a foundation of internal and external safety. Guidance (in whatever form feels comfortable for each person) becomes the touchstone and map for healing. Through the dialogue process of Inner Bonding, clients develop a relationship to Spirit that allows the Inner Child to feel held and loved. If the Inner Child experiences that the Loving Adult self is available and supported by Spirit, he or she will begin to talk about the feelings and events that were once buried.

The process of uncovering abuse or trauma is different for each person. Some clients have been waiting all their lives for a safe space to let their stories out and it does not take long for difficult material to surface. Others require a base of learning and self-care, possibly needing to make some important life changes before remembering the past. With the help of a therapist and Guidance, clients are able to have access to whatever material is necessary for healing.

You may wonder why remembering past trauma or abuse is important or needed. It is my opinion that each one of us has a story, a life’s journey that is part of who we are and what we came here to learn. The things we do not heal still live with us in the present. False beliefs and physical defenses remain in our bodies and in our consciousness until we bring them up to be healed. I once had a client who was sure that the sexual abuse she suffered by her uncle as a child was not affecting her. When we actually talked through her present life, it became clear that she avoided intimacy with men in a rather obvious way, picking unavailable men or leaving the relationships before they got too serious. She also harbored body image issues that she rarely talked about but that were a secret source of shame. When she began to connect the abuse to her current life, she began to feel and love the part of her who had lived through such pain. She realized that it was her wounded Inner Child who had been choosing her boyfriends and feeling humiliated about her body. When she began to acknowledge what had happened to her, she could then make new choices as her life unfolded. If she had continued to invalidate and minimize her history, she would not have been able to heal it.

I also believe that if you work with Guidance, you will be led to feel and remember only what is needed for your growth. You will not be asked to suffer for the sake of suffering. Your Inner Child will tell you what happened so that you can discover the amazing resources you possessed that kept you alive. You will learn the choices you made in impossible situations and have the opportunity to love the parts of you who feel unlovable.

Many clients find that the part of them that got abused (an Inner Child) is actually stuck in time, frozen in the past, holding on for dear life. I assist the client to go back and get their little girl or boy and help that child to safety. Once the child is recovered, we can talk to that child and find out what he or she needs now. The child can be a source of important information. What did she believe about herself during the abuse? What did he decide about love when he got hurt? Clients find that the beliefs established during traumatic events become recordings that replay each day of their lives. Getting to the root of the belief makes it possible to heal it. With Spirit’s assistance, we find out the truth about that child’s goodness, wholeness, and innocence. We can hold that child and give him or her room to feel the emotions that were not safe to feel before.

In my private practice, I primarily work with survivors of childhood sexual abuse. When these clients begin the process of therapy, they are holding a lifetime of shame, self-hatred, and rage. Some have a clue as to where these feelings come from but many do not. The tools of Inner Bonding create a foundation for recovery that is clear and accessible to anyone. Clients who have gone from therapist to therapist find that Inner Bonding puts the power to heal into their own hands. The process of dialoguing with Guidance, the Inner Child, and developing a Loving Adult is profound for people who have been swimming in wounded childhood beliefs. I have seen people’s lives change as these tools are practiced. It has been a beautiful thing to witness. Clients who at one time could not be intimate with people become able to engage in fulfilling friendships and partnerships. Clients who could not speak up about things they believed in, learn to make boundaries and set limits in countless situations. I have supported clients to release old rage, grief, shame, and terror so that joy is finally available to them. Over and over again, I glimpse the lovely relief these individuals have as Guidance comes more consciously into their lives and graces them with unconditional, ever-present love. People literally look lighter as they let go of deep oppressive patterns and experience their Essence.

The challenge of healing childhood abuse is the overwhelming helplessness that surfaces as one remembers. The experience of life threatening betrayal can be very difficult to revisit. Often, the sense that God abandoned us is wrapped up in the memories. The model of Inner Bonding offers a way to separate our past from our present, our Inner Child from our Loving Adult, our false beliefs from the truth about who we really are, and God from the people who hurt us. These distinctions are priceless. These awarenesses facilitate healing in a way that is graceful and dynamic. No matter what someone has lived through, no matter how horrific or seemingly unhealable, those events are not who the person is and so they ache to be transformed. The very good news is that transformation is possible. Starting now.

If you love the sweetness of simplicity; this one is for you. The movie is called “Once” and it won the 2007 Sundance Film Festival Award for best original song.
The movie, a tender story of two people living seperate lives, on the same page, who find each other is simple and yet brilliant. Taking place in Berlin, she sells flowers as a street vendor and he, a musician performs on the same corner each day with his guitar and compelling, original songs. The movie has an air about it that makes you want to be there.
I highly recommend it. The integrity and simple lives of these two people is something that is so missing in our world today.

All of the songs in this movie are just as hypnotic as this one. This is definitely one to add to your movie collection. It was filmed with hand held video cameras and the couple (Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova) are a couple in real life. Their humble demeanor as they received their academy award for best song is truly amazing. It will get your heart when you watch it. I want to know these two!